The Great Depression!

I seem to have become a motivator to everyone but it's draining me. How can I sit here and tell people how they can get to their dreams when I have lost all of mine. Everyone that I have met recently have been coming to me for life advice. T is feeling much like I do about life and the hardships we face.

How can I tell her that there seems to be no relief in sight. I always fall into these traps of helping others to achive their goals and putting my feeling and needs aside.

For the past few weeks I have been thinking about suicide. I think about it more and more. The different ways to do it and what I would write in my letter. It has turned out to be more work than I had thought. Just writing letters to everyone is a task. I don't want anyone to think that they could of stopped it. I don't want anyone to feel like they are responsible for it either. I'm writing these letters as best as I can to convey the message that no one is at fault but me.

I really feel like this is something that I have to do. I don't see anything that I can do different. I have about fucked up my life to the point there is nothing else to do.

I can't even write anymore. I don't want to see what I have to say!
I have felt like this many times. I have thought of ways to kill myself but this time it's different. Usually I'm crying and very sad when thinking about things but now I am very calm. I am thinking clearly about it. I'm planning.

All I have to do is set a date. I don't want it to be close to any holidays or anything like that.