Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Happiness Vs Anger Pt. 3 It's gotta be the shoes.

K wrote me a letter tonight saying that she still wanted me back and that she gets what she wants!

I don't want her back though I don't think I want to see her again really. She hurt me and I don't want to risk seeing her and starting something up again. I knew that's why she has been asking me for petty things lately.

She said that she wants to come over tomarrow and get her things. I told her to call me first so that I could make sure that I was home. I knew I would be but I did not want to risk her and T meeting up. I don't want K to think that I am throwing it in her face, I am not like that. I would hate for K to do that to me so I will do no such thing.

She eventually figured out that I might have "Company" here so she said that I should not "have a female" over there when she comes because it would crush her.

WTF I can't seem to get rid of her but if I give her back everything and more then I guess she has no reason to contact me does she.

Latest email from K:

"I just can't resist you , there something about you that make me crave you, and plus i can't get over your dick i love it. And i just can't let anyone else have what i had, because i should be the only one sliding down on it not no one else. So if someone else is sliding down on it then i will leave you alone but i'm hoping no one has yet and if so let me know."

It's gotta be the shoes.


The making of a stalker? See Below Posted by Hello

Have I created a stalker?

T picked me up tonight well ok let's back track a little here. About 5:30am I had a knock at my door. I did not get to sleep till about 3:30am so I was a bit perturbed to even have to get out of bed. I opened the door not even taking caution to look out the peephole and here she came rushing in and layed on my couch.

It was T from the night before. She had jokingly mentioned coming over about this time but I thought she would have a little more couth than to actually do it. What could I do she was already in my house and about half asleep on my couch.

I still could not see when she jumped up and gave me a bar of soap because I said the night before that I had to go to the store and get some.
"Thanks?"

I could not keep my eyes open so I laid on the floor in an attempt to make sense of what was going on. I'm not terribly cheerful in the mornings, especially after being woke up from REM! I knew that there was no way that I could make sense of anything untill I have had my first cig for the morning. Fuck it I'm up now!

She continued her rest as if unware of her sudden surprize. There was no talking going on so I decided to check my email and see if there were any responses from resume blasting only hours before. Yea right these people do not have strange women waking them up at this hour. I checked anyways. Nothing but Auto-Responses :(

After about a half an hour of her resting she said that she had to go. I think that she wanted to have sex again but there was no way it was subject on my mind. I led her to the door and sent her on her way with a kiss and pat on the ass like any gentleman that was woken up in the wee hours of the morning would do.

Later on in the day , well about 4 hours later she called me. Yea I was still asleep about that time considering I had been , well you know. I don't even remember the conversation (INTERRUPTION-----T just called me to say that she would call me later on tonight. I think there is a problem developing here, don't you?) it was a task just holding the phone to my ear. She said that she was coming over after she had got out of work. I don't think I even agreed with it but she had already had her mind made up. Then she quickly said that she might come over on her break. I had no reaction I could hardly get my own words out at this time.

So about two hours later she once again showed up at my door ready to go. I had a chance to invite her in this time. I still don't recall this visit either but it was not to talkative. We did end up on the floor once again as the night before. I came, she went.

Around 2pm she stopped by again. This was a time that I was expecting to see her. She was running to the store and a few other places she wanted to know if I needed anything. Shit , well I went with her so I could get a few things for this crass house. I already notice "The Change" in her. She was not as cheerful and nice as she had been the night before. Did we get married overnight? Why was I not invited?

So I took care of all that I had to do and she the same. I asked her if we could stop by the drive through at Mc D's. I ordered my food and she out of nowhere wanted to pay for it. I normally would not mind but it was so sudden of her to do. This was a nice gesture but I am used to paying for someone else.

She had brought me back home said that she would of course call me later on. 1/2 half hour later she called and asked me if I would like to go to a movie with her. Ahh WTF yea sure I have not been to a movie in a bit.

SO.......T picked me up tonight around 7pm. She has her son in the car with her. Cute little guy about a year old. I like him and he laughed at all of my jokes. We got along real well. The car ride was kind of shitty. For some reason I get car sickness while in her vehicle. So I was not in the best spirit. We finally arrived at the movie theater after taking a half hour drive to her sisters house to drop off her son.

We went to one of those dollar movie theaters. Nice it only cost me 1 dollar to get in but I spent 13 on food and drinks oh well still cheaper than the others.

Alien Vs Predator

I don't know why I wanted to see this movie but I did. It was ok, I took the advice of a family member to go into the movie with NO EXPECTATIONS and I should be fine. Fair warning and advice I thought. It was ok but I would not take the time to ever see it again. During the movie she subconsciously claimed ownership of me. I was fine sitting there when she threw her legs over mine as a woman walked past us down the aisle. I think I was just branded, speaking of branding I still have very distinct scratch marks on my side and back from her.

The movie theater was not enough for her. She wanted to show me off and do it soon where ever she could. We walked out and I lit up a cig for the walk to the car. As I approached the door she suggested that we walk to the grocery store.

In my mind: What the fuck is this about?

(INTERRUPTION- She's on the phone with me now. She's obviously doing all the talking. )

Ok I'm off the phone and we talked for about an hour about nothing at all. She wants me to be her BF right off the bat and I can' t do that. I had one moment of relief when she said that she was taking the day off to spend time with her son. Then she asked if I wanted to go with her and him to do something. AHHHH well I would if she was not so needy and obsessed with me. I made up a lie because I felt like I had to. I said that she would just have to call me and see if I was home. I don't think I will be!

AM gave me some advice about this tonight. She said that I have to make her work for me. AM does not say anything like this EVER! She ususally just says go with it and have fun. She was telling me how I did not need anyone right now and if this girl (t) wanted me so bad then she would have to work for it.

She is right though and I need to follow her advice, she has NEVER led me wrong. She said that after tonight if possible that I needed to not call or contact her for 3 days if I could not get away from that then after Friday night (When we had origanally planned to go out) not to contact her for 3 days and make her sweat for a little while.

I can't beleive A was saying these things to me. LOL I had to tell her all about the sex, she was very happy to hear all about my sex life since as she puts it "Don't have one..". We had a good conversaton and she told me once again that she loved me. I love to hear that from her, yea so she does not know that I have been in love with her for years now. I would drop anyone for AM if she said that she wanted to start something with me.

ok OK tangent there but oh well.

I'm tired , have to get some sleep and I think I should expect a visitor in the morning!!! AHHHHH






Tuesday, September 28, 2004

I QUIT!

I think I made a mistake today. I quit my job!

I have been so fed up with the crazy deadlines and all the pressure I felt like I was about to snap on someone. I did not want to do that so for some odd reason instead of writing what I was assigned I wrote my letter of resignation!

I can't belive I did that now. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have enough money to get ny for a little while but not long.

Good news though. The girl at work that has been wanting to go out with me came by my house to see what was up. We talked a little, she said that she had to go in to finish up some things and she would try to come back later on tonight. Well she decided not to go in and stood a few hours at my place. We talked for a little bit then she started hanging all over me like we had been daitng for years. This type of behavior is new to me once again. K never acted like this EVER. So I went with it.

Yea we ended up having sex on the living room floor. I have to say it was about the best sex I have had in a long time. Shit it has been along time since I have had sex with someone new and It was wonderful!

Funny thing though she scared me a little. When we were finished she was on the floor for about a half an hour. She finally spoke up and said that she had NEVER had that many orgasims in a row before.

Yea she stroked the badly beated ego of mine. She just called me back and said that she will be over in the morning before she goes to work! This is way too much, but what can I do? She also wanted to know what I wanted out of all of this. I told her that I am going to just let it take us where it will because I just recently got out of a relationship and it was too soon for me to even think about getting into another one just like that. She said that she understood and she would respect that.

Ok I'm rambling so I will go to bed now

Monday, September 27, 2004

Happiness Vs Anger Pt. 2

So K wrote me back lastnight after I thought it was all done. She actually interrupted a movie I was watching then it went to half screen and said I had mail waiting for me. E-mail late at night equals a late night phone call. They are never good. I knew it was from her.

She said that she has found something that makes her happy and more so all she needed for some reason to complete her happiness was to have her pics back. She said that there was someone that wanted to have them.

I wrote her back saying that I was happy she was seeing other people and good luck in everything that she does.

OMG She went off on me saying that she hated me and that she could not belive me.
I now know that she was once again expecting to get back together with me just like all the other times before.

I warned her if she lied to me and kept treating me like shit I would leavwe. I gave her fair warning! I looked her straight in her eyes and told her that over a candlelight dinner that I made. She thinks I'm a pushover and well..to a point I do let people take advantage of me but there is also that point that I can't take anymore. So I do what I have to do and dats dat.



Sunday, September 26, 2004

Happiness Vs Anger

The other day well for about a few weeks now I have been told at work that there is a girl that has taken interest in me. I was with K at that time roughly so I paid no mind to it.

Well yesterday she had told someone that I work with closely that she wanted to get to know me better. She obviously knew that K and I were not together anymore. So I decieded well I'm not doing anything might as well give it a shot what do I have to loose anyways?

We exchanged numbers and made plans to go out this weekend coming up.
She called me lastnight and we talked for over 3 hours. I have to admit I talked a little too much aobut wanting to have sex with her but she was very receptive. I kind of felt like an ass because I knew that I would have to see her the next day and I had no idea how she would react.

She was very nice to me and as a matter of fact she had been asking about me all day. When I got in she was right there waiting to see me. She's such a shy person though. As the day progressed we flirted more and more till finally we kissed. It was just a small peck but it was actually nice to see that someone was not afraid to show that they liked me. God I sound like a damn highschool kid !!

So anyways It was a rough day at work just like anyother I did not get home till about 10pm because I had so much shit to do. She was supposed to call tonight but she has not. I called and her mother said that she was sleeping and that she could not receive calls after 9pm. I thought that was so funny because she's 26 years old and so am I. Oh well blast from the past I tell ya! She had a hard day because we stood up till 3:30-4am on the phone the night before. I feel for her so it's ok that she did not call me :)

Oh yea later on in the day I decided to go outside and have a cig with the rest of the smokers. She came out a short time later. There was plenty of seating out there but she wanted to sit on my lap. I guess to show everyone out there I was in the process of bein taken LOL! I let her and said nothing. I don't think I have ever had someone do that to me before.

I'm still a little weary about showing off that her and I are talking only because K's mother happens to be my Super! I don't want to throw it in her face or anything like that! I have no intention of that.

So ok yea, got home at about 10pm long damn day and I have 1 new e-mail ..Yea so I have no friends so what! It was from K! This is what it said:

From: "K"

Subject: Don't be a shit.............

Body:
You need to stop being a shit and you know what i'm talking about.

End E-mail?

I really had no idea what she was talking about but I did know that I don't want to hear anything from her and she was just doing this to try to make me have a bad night so I REPLIED!

From: "ME"

Subject: RE: Don't be a shit........

Body:

I have no idea of what you are talking about and you should probably stay out of my business as well. I'm not botherig you so I expect the same out of you.

End E-mail

I knew she would get very mad with that kind of response, so I waited for the hellfire to return LOL

Then here they come two E-mail from her of the following:

You know what the fuck i'm talking about so don't play like you don't know. You should be a man not a little kid about it.

End E-mail

Next e-mail

And i know you ain't talkin about stay out of your business because you are the one in everybody business and it don't even concern and if you have something say about me, bring it to me not everyone else, so keep my name out of your mouth, so if you do that then everything is cool.

End E-Mail

So She got me a little pissed because I don't want to talk to her anymore. I refuse to let her back in my life even for a confrontation so I replied as follows:

FINE you're a BITCH and I HATE you so leave me alone don't bother me anymore STAY OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER I DONT EVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN. IS that clear enough for you!!! Leave me alone I HATE YOU !!


FORGET YOU EVER KNEW ME BECAUSE I HAVE BEGUN THE PROCESS OF FORGETTING YOU ALREADY!

End E-Mail

Ok I know it sounds like I am a real asshole for that but she has put me through so much crap I can't stand the sight of her anymore.

So now I feel better LOL. She has not written back and that's fine with me.



Friday, September 24, 2004

Waiting.....

I have been waiting to eat all day because I figured that Jen would call me. I had plans for us to get together and get something to eat. Well afterwhile I have forgot to eat and now all of the sudden I'm about to get sick to my stomach.

So, I did what any male my age would do: Ordered a Pizza (What the Hell, might as well!)

I smoked so much today I can't stand it. I smoke now when there is no need to, not that there is ever one. I find myself smoking when I don't even want one. I would love to quit but I think I now know how a crack-head feels without their shit.

I can't seem to find any motivation to write. It's been like this all day..I have tried everything but can't seem to get to writing. I'm always complaining about how I never have any time to write and how tired I am when I get home from work so I can't do it then. Now, today I have had many hours to write but I can't seem to get anything down WTF!! I feel most inspired and motivated only when I am at work. Yea figures right?

Still no call from Jen oh well I guess she has better things to do and I don't blame her.


Ahhhhhh! This has come too soon for my child! Posted by Hello

Puberty?

I just talked to my sons' it's been awhile. I'm so happy to hear their voices. X decided to tell me that he was going through puberty..LOL He has been wanting this for some time. Odd I think only because I did not ever want to have to grow up and start expierencing all the things that come along with it. I wanted to stay a little boy all my life. I seen what the older people had to go through and I wanted no part of it. So here I am.

When he told me about what was going on I had no idea what to say about it. I never had "The talk" with anyone. When I was finally approached it was way too late. I was already having sex when I was 13 and had my first child X when I was 15.

What do I say to him about all of this. He has taken on an entirly new view of the one I have had. He is excited about it all and me..well I'm afraid for him.

A is sick today so he did not have much to say. He was in a haze of sickness and said that he only wanted to rest. He assured me though it was ok if I called him later on tonight to talk. I love that kid!

Loft

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